haha the beauty of things when it's cleared. :)

woke up just to share this

"Every atom of your flesh is as dear to me as my own; in pain and sickness it would still be dear. Your mind is my treasure, and if it were broken, it would be my treasure still: if you raved my arms should confine you, and not a strait waistcoat- your grasp, even in fury, would have a charm for me: if you flew at me as wildly as that woman did this morning, I should receive you in an embrace, at least as fond as it would be restrictive. I should not shrink from you with disgust as I did from her: in your quiet moments you should have no watcher and no nurse but me; and I could hand over you with untiring tenderness, though you gave me no smile in return; and never weary of gazing into your eyes, though they no longer a ray of recognition for me."

I love this. :)

finally ate ice cream wit kdangg! :D hahah too bad we didn't have time to eat :/ next time! sorry i hadda work and didn't get to talk to you lol

two more weeks of summer vacation and then schooool... :(

"I resisted, all the way: a new thing for me, and a circumstance which greatly strengthened the bad opinion Bessie and Miss Abbot were disposed to entertain of me.

oh the beauty of books written in the 19th century. <3

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came

3:00am

late night fray time

<3

my dad's ideal family is doing things together, sharing, being nice.. and what not. somehow i can't imagine being all that to her. she's everything i strive not to be.. personality wise.. and well, maybe everything else. you may not understand how this came to be, but there's a history that you'll never know. & all you'll know is what i let you know.. o0o0o that sounded so smart. lol

i've fallen

....shit

i hate being at home. everyone hates each other and give each other attitude. i feel like this is never gna changee.. sighhh

i don't even know how to explain today. it started with my sister telling me i got a 1 on the apcalc exam cause luu told her, which i saw coming, but not the words after that. i had to get away so i went to stephen's house for a kickback with an unsettling feeling. and then i came home to have even more hurtful words fired at me because i didn't "even get a 2 cause you get a 1 for writing your name." well, too bad i couldn't continue the legend of getting a 4 or 5 on ap exams since both of you did. sorry for not being smart in math. sorry for not continuing that legend of passing all the aps. sorry for "disappointing" you. sorry for not being fucken asain. you didn't think i tried hard? fuck, you try getting a B/A for V. you don't think i feel bad for getting a 1? why do you even have to make it worse? ... i act like it doesn't bother me. what else can you do? cry? well that's what i fucken did in front of you. for 17 years, i don't remember a day where i cried in front of you because of emotional hurt. i told you i wasn't going to pass, not because i didn't believe in myself, but because I KNOW. so yeaa, fuck you.

all i wanted was someone to talk to when i'm troubled or needed some weight lifted off; that's where you come in you know? too bad it didn't go that way.

SO FUCK YOU ALL.

i'm so troubled. >< my heart's not in it anymore.. but my mind says to keep going and we'll see. i just don't know if it'll be worth it.

today i spent my day with jessicaa<3 we decided to ditch practice and make dumplings instead. i woke up around 12 and we went to the school so i can turn in this paper and on the way we bumped into perla and mari teheheh.. shhh :) and then we went to ct and bought the ingredients and then had a viet sandwich for lunchh. we went to my house and made dumplingss, which jessica has accomplished today! :D they were gooood :) after eating dumplings we went to her house and had sopes ^___^ then we tried to watch a movie on netflix but it didn't work so we just played 2k11. it was my first time and i beat jess! muhahaha! then we went to cypress and mario kissed me on the cheeks in the car and then we were goalies for soccer.. but we were scared lmaoo so we went to the gym and watched people play basketball and then watch people do aztec dancing.. it looks like a workout hahah then we ate ice cream and swung on the swings which i can go higher than jess at! muahaha again! lol and then i pushed mario on the swings :D another good day jess :)

bucket list for summer of 2k11

1. ice cream w/ kdang “long overdue”
2. run in the corn field at least once
3. learn to swim
4. eating adventures with jesssica <3
5. save money for senior year.
6. read some amazing books (any suggestions?)
7. study for the sat (?)
8. do something for myself
9. & be happy :)

;)

Since I haven’t done this in a while, here goes nothing! So today started off by Jennifer and Xiaoiee texting me about practice. I actually didn’t wanna wake up since I was having such a good sleep but what the heck, got up anyway. I then proceeded to eat a sammich and made Xiaoiee one (which she later threw up during practice) since she needed to be ‘reminded’ of how delicious they are. ;) Soooo I was waiting for my momma but that nigga kept laggin’ it and shieeeet sooooooo yeeah blah! I then found Xiao on the ramp waiting for me to walk to practice, I had the sammich in my hand cause I didn’t want it to get squished in my duffle baaaag. And then she then ran to me and was like “AWWWW! Is that for me?” And I was like NO. and she was like YEAH IT IS! And I said No! in a serious face and then she got all sad, and i was like just keeding fucker! it’s yours .. and then she tried to hug me! GROSSSS! Then we walked up to the gym, only to find all the gates closed. So I just jumped over it, and Xiao was like you would be good at jumping gates. LOL Then Huff wasn’t even there so we waited for him and then that man started killing us slowly. We were all dying during freaking Tiger drill, but no apparently we still had to keep going cause we weren’t quick enough. Yeah yeah yeah, then after dying and reviving myself we did some offense plays, WHICH NEVER WORK DURING GAMES! But that’s okay.. waste time during practice just running around. So yeah, there was like 6 seniors on one side of the court.. and SOMEHOW by total coincidence I ended up with the sophomores, which I thought was horrible. But we kept scoring on the seniors, heeeeey ;D lame asses. During practice I noticed, I do the weirdest things. I randomly start dancing, or hitting on people, or grabbing people boooobies ;) hahaha! So yeah, after practice was interesting. While walking down to the rec, Socorro made me .. hold her bike while she was riding it? Freaking awkward! Once at the rec to see the Summer Ballin’ group .. well ballin’ during the summer ya know? They play hella interesting games, after that Jennifer wanted a shrimp taco and Katty wanted carne asada fries. So our journey continued, at the shrimp taco place, we saw this HUGE tapatio bottle and Jennifer and Katty were contemplating whether to take it or not. After we got Jennifer’s shrimp taco and while walking to the taco place, Katty was like HERE you go babygurl! and hands Jennifer the tapatio bottle, like THE FUCK? Hella slick gurl! ;D hahaha. Once we got to the place we ate and stuff and just sat there doing nothing. Then Katty started yelling so weirdly and we were like the fuck? and we saw the hugest cockroach EVER! So .. interesting! Then we were like Ahhh let’s leave but apparently Jennifer has to do things on an even number, so we waited for an even time? hahaha Once we walked back to Xiaoiee’s house we decided to go on her porch cause her room was TOO hot! And we were just talking, then we went to eat dinnnah that Mommaaahbear made, which was gooood cause I love that thing she made<3 we then, went outside and she painted my nails and we were just sitting conversating about life while Sistaahbear played Adele in the background. It was very soothing summer music, unlike lame elevator music that makes Xiao want to shoot herself but when in reality you can’t really shoot yourself cause then you don’t want people to think you’re kerrrrrrazy. But then again it’s not like that hoood nigga has a gun, she ain’t that hood! ;) hahaha We pretty much sat there til the sun went down since we were enjoying the breeze, the very so chillay breeze because we loved the way it made our faces feel and how our hair would blow in the wind even though our hair were tied up cause of practice, a very lovely yet fucking horrible practice. While sitting there, we were hella messing with this certain individual and maaaaan Xiaoiee and I are so freaking hilarious when we’re tired! Hella cracking jokes about errrrrthang! Good day Xiaoiee good day!

-jessicadelarosaaaa<3 from tumblr :D

technically this is my last summer of high school because the one before college doesn't really count, so kevin and i are making a to do list for THIS summer! and i shall post it up when we complete it because we are making one togetherrr righttt?

so anyways, i've been thinking about next yearr.. how different if would be since the seniors are not gna be here. i feel like ima be so lonely LOL well there's sandy and a few guys i can hang out with, but besides them i feel lost.. hahah sounds lame. i realized i don't talk to my grade that muchh but enoughhh. hahaha whateverrrrssss. also, i wonder how different i'd be if i went to verdugo o__O seriously, like would i be the same person? probably not, i'd probably be afraid of my own neighborhood like betty. LOL i think lincoln somewhat makes you a tougher person because of all the things that happen and it opens our eyes to the things i would never encounter at verdugo. and btw i do believe that it's easier to get into a better college at verdugo. there's so much competition at lincoln... i feeel like a failureee compared to them. :( lol

sidenote: i know how i hang out with a lot of guys, but every now and then my dad reminds me of how much of a jerk they can be.. i don't think my dad had ANY right to yell at my mom for not doing enough at home. like i don't know maybe it's because she's working two jobs to make up for what you don't do, or maybe it's because she's so tired she can't even make dinner sometimes? or maybe it's because you expect so much out of her.. i don't get why you keep pushing me to get a job and work when my mom's the one telling me to have fun. always ticks me off.



.... i need something to do.

-________-

i don't like this at all. i don't like your relationship with her AT ALL. you have your own choice of friends, of course... but that's my sister. and i don't like her. maybe i'm being selfish about this and i can admit it, but i know that i don't like it... for sure. ><

i'm slowly falling in love with adele's new album.. hahaha

kinda late, but idc!

i don't know how else to say this, but that fire in me burnt out long time agoo and i don't know how to light it back up.

it's funny.. how you're coming to me for money. it just kinda shows me that i can't even depend on you sometimes.

oh yeah i forgot

i'll never forget this year because the people closest to me made it unforgettable! i love you guysssss! :D

jd; bl; cd; sw; sj; bu; dl. <3