i feel fucken horrible to be surrounded by people like that. those kind of people who don't give a shit about school aiming for c's. people whose parents pay for everything and they spend without a care. then that forces other people to go through situations where they have to use money. those people who use your resources without returning anything. those people who take over your whole freaken room and it's already cramped as fuck. those people who think they're princesses when they're just spoiled brats. ugh.

i feel kinda sad how sometimes i think that the people in san diego know me more than the people i've known here in lincoln heights. i guess i went to college with a clean slate where no one knew me and had no presumption of who i was. i think that gave me a chance to be myself and open up instead of being trapped in a bubble in la. and i'm glad that college really showed me the people who'll make an effort to stay and actually keep in touch despite distance and not talking for a really long time. that's the true friends, the people you'll talk to like you saw them yesterday when in actuality it's been months since you have last seen each other..

besides my rambling, i'm super happy about my grades! i started off school with a strong mentality even though i knew i was taking easy classes; i thought to myself that since i am taking ge's i should get all A's so that in the future i can say to myself "you got straight A's, you can do it again." lol no matter how different the classes are. i hope that thought last.. hahaha i'm just glad i did happen to get all A's. ^___^ let's keeep this uppppppppppp! work hard, play hard. 

finally, i feel content and satisfied with my life right now. i haven't been able to feel this way since summer.. i guess it's cause i've opened up my eyes and prioritized my shit. i now know what i was and i have some sort of direction in my life... i feel.. good. :)

btw, i'm switching my major to psychology! 

so today on library walk there was a national depression day event going on where you can fill out a sheet and professional psychologists can talk to you about your paper. i decided to fill it out with steph and i talked to one of the psychologist and he told me that i should schedule an appointment and talk to them about the possibility of having post traumatic stress. the symptoms are shown through my test and i might be secretly depressed. like wow lol i guess everything is taking a toll on me because i just can't escape since people won't freaken leave me alone. i don't understand why people that graduate high school already still do high school shit. it's like people can't move on and like to put other people down so they can feel superior. i don't understand people like that. i don't understand how do people have so much time to do stupid and ignorant stuff like that. i don't understand their mentality and i don't think i want to.

everyone's leaving, but i feel some sort of comfort in this kind of leaving. sure, people are going off in their own directions and you may not see them for quite some time, but just think of all the places they'll go.. they're dependent on themselves, something we haven't gotten the chance to do, and figuring out life as it goes. me as well.. just think of all the experiences we'll go through and the lessons learn. i'm so happyyyyy and content with life, even with all the strings attached. lol maybe i just can't wait to get away from my dad hahahahaha :p

i think it was during the backyard boogies in summer bridge where i saw this beautiful tree. it struck me with this kind of glow. i dunno the shape of the tree was naturally perfect and it seemed as if all the lighting shined on that tree only. i guess it was the fact that the trees surrounding it were just dull, which made that tree even more beautiful.. man it definitely stood out.

i honestly want to spend time with people before i leave to sd, but the fact that i have no money holds me back. stupid me didn't take any loans so now i'll be using all my savings from work to pay for one quarter. and i'll be left with nothing until i start working at school for the next two quarters. like damnit i'll be working my freshman yearrr.. nooooooooooooooooo. i hate this feeling.

it's moments and days like these where i question our friendship.

you expect so much from me.. and i don't know what to do.

most of the time, i don't do anything so that you won't be disappointed in me and i won't be someone i'm not.  

i asked some of my friends the other day if they were excited to go to college yet and they didn't even wanna talk about the subject cause they didn't wanna leave. lol it's weird cause that's all i've been wanting to do. i kinda can't wait cause there isn't anything left for me here.. i wanna see what's out there for me in the world. i feel so limited staying in LA. i mean i love LA, but there's only so much to do lol i can't wait for new experiences! i can't wait to go college shopping with my sister! i can't wait to pack up! i can't wait for the two hour drive! i just can't wait for collegeee. i'm most excited about leaving home than anything though. LOL

i know forsure ima miss some people so much.. those that stick to me <3

that feeling of being so easily replaced.

i want to meet that person that's not going to give up on me no matter how much i push them away. i want to be that one person they can't live without. i want to be that person they can't easily replace. i want to meet that person that's gna make me want to change into someone better.

i keep wanting to go to college already to kinda of get away from everything. to get away from parents, you, and responsibilities. but no matter how hard i try to run away, you're everywhere.

what bothers me the most is that people doubt my words and still think that i'm hanging around. i know i shouldn't care about what others think about me... but i just don't know what to do anymore to make people believe me.

i miss the old you.

the one i'd have a conversation so easily.. the one who didn't care about his looks.. the one who didn't judge me.. the one i got to know. or knew at least.

the old you, who cared.


but i guess since you left before like 2 years ago, you can do it again anytime.

i just hate myself for caring so much. lol fuck me

i guess ima miss high school.. but i still hate all of you. LOL

only through the ups and downs can you tell who's a true friend and who's not. no downs, no ups. 

i tried. don't say i didn't -___-

and now i shall play the waiting game where you come to me. 

donate hair- check!

13 years of friendship and you've not at least texted or called me.

hmmm.. makes me question where our friendship stands.

i got sunburned everywhere today after the ucsd tour.

i can feeeeeel summer right around the cornerrrr~ can't waaaitt!