although you're basically the closest person to me in my life right now, i feel that i just can't have deep conversations with you. i don't know why.. maybe because i feel that you won't understand? or maybe we just don't talk about those things. i don't like that missing piece of the puzzle. but i'm gladd jessi is someone i can talk to about anything and everything because i think she does understand to a level that you can't.

:/

i've started on my personal statement. i have less than 500 words. and i feel like i'm done. this is nottt goood.

"how do you know if a test is legit? what test do you think isn't legit?"

Kdang: SAT.

ahahahah that made my day. so i'm just another average kid out of the 7 billions of people. lol i knew i wasn't special anyways :( maybe just to my mom.

my mom is the only person that can make my heart stopped...in a scary way. ever since that time in elementary school, i get so paranoid when i find out she's physically hurt. i can't describe that feeling you get when you think you're gna lose someone.. in an instant. like i didn't think of it when i was little, of course... but now i don't know. lol

today, that feeling when i knew she was okay after hearing her scream ...wow.

one of the reasons why i dislike talking to my dad is because all he wants to talk about is money, money, and money. -_____-

i've spent the last hour reading my past post all the way to '08. hahaha :)

so i guess my life's gotten much less stressful since my SAT is over for now and we're finally on our own for senior seminar. but i dunno, senior year isn't as fun as i woulda supposed it would. i think i'm just letting some things hold me back.

.....lol.

i'm so tired

so tired of my parents not being supportive in me. my mom yelled at me for leaving the house so early in the morning.. but she doesn't even know where i went. me and my sister both know that it doesn't matter if i "tried my best" on the SAT. it's either you know it or you don't and if you don't, you're stupid. that's why neither of us told my parents anything. & all i did was accept it.

i miss those conversations where we'd actually talked about meaningful things... not just the usual "whatchu doing"questions. we don't even ask each other about how your day was.

just gna go with the floww for the SAT... but i'm freaken scared for the expertise test for paulson! :(

hahah how ironiccc.

ahhh..

this is way harder than i thought it would be.

i feel that this thing called pride prevents us from doing things we want to do.. or saying things we want to say to someone. well it makes sense that it does that, but i don't know.. it would be so much easier. i hate to admit things sometimes like i reaaally hate it and i can't say it cause my pride is holding me back. lol i think the same goes to you :p

okay back to hw!

Katniss

Katniss walks through the forest all alone

rejecting any kind of affection

like a porcupine that recoils when touched.

She climbs trees that give her a lift every time.

On top of the world, she likes the deafening silence

of the forest animals around her.

As much as she likes the animals… there is no one compared to herself.

There is no one she can trust, thus leaving her with such loneliness.

The responsibilities she has weighs like a ton, restraining her from love.

However, upon seeing her own reflection in a lake, Katniss has fallen in love…

Allusion poem reference to Echo & Narcissus.

inhale.. & exhale all that bullshit.

i love reading birthday cards that people spend time on. it makes me so happpyy :)

jess, kimbo, &swaaang! <3

i'm turning 18 tomorrow and my sister's leaving tomorrow morning. lol

birthday present to meee? ahah jkk!

it's quite hard for me to be genuinely happy right now..

you're leaving

i miss you

you're gna find a better girl-friend in college

i'm fucken lonely at school

they're all acquaintances

pretending to be happy at school

trying not to cry everyday

hate what i've become

keep telling myself time will heal.

yes,

it shall

& it will.

thug life.

enough with the emo posts shizzzz.

After what happened, it's kinda hard for me to tell you anything anymore because I feel that you're just gna tell someone, someone that you're closer with now. It's like I lost a bit of trust in you when you broke my heart. I can't even believe what you say without being a least bit doubtful. I don't even know if you mean the things you say...or do you even care? Cause everything I say, you reply with something not relevant. You're always so distracted..

Sighh..I don't even know anymore.

maybe you're just a bit more clueless than the rest of the male population, but i'm fucken hurt. i bet you tell her everything too btw. and you fucken KNOW i see her everyday every single period. so yeah, fuck me cause i would have to put an act like i don't care everygoddamday.

what happened between us should stay between us. i'm keeping my part, are you?

only coming to me in instances of boredom,

never in moments of happiness.