i'm so troubled. >< my heart's not in it anymore.. but my mind says to keep going and we'll see. i just don't know if it'll be worth it.

today i spent my day with jessicaa<3 we decided to ditch practice and make dumplings instead. i woke up around 12 and we went to the school so i can turn in this paper and on the way we bumped into perla and mari teheheh.. shhh :) and then we went to ct and bought the ingredients and then had a viet sandwich for lunchh. we went to my house and made dumplingss, which jessica has accomplished today! :D they were gooood :) after eating dumplings we went to her house and had sopes ^___^ then we tried to watch a movie on netflix but it didn't work so we just played 2k11. it was my first time and i beat jess! muhahaha! then we went to cypress and mario kissed me on the cheeks in the car and then we were goalies for soccer.. but we were scared lmaoo so we went to the gym and watched people play basketball and then watch people do aztec dancing.. it looks like a workout hahah then we ate ice cream and swung on the swings which i can go higher than jess at! muahaha again! lol and then i pushed mario on the swings :D another good day jess :)

bucket list for summer of 2k11

1. ice cream w/ kdang “long overdue”
2. run in the corn field at least once
3. learn to swim
4. eating adventures with jesssica <3
5. save money for senior year.
6. read some amazing books (any suggestions?)
7. study for the sat (?)
8. do something for myself
9. & be happy :)

;)

Since I haven’t done this in a while, here goes nothing! So today started off by Jennifer and Xiaoiee texting me about practice. I actually didn’t wanna wake up since I was having such a good sleep but what the heck, got up anyway. I then proceeded to eat a sammich and made Xiaoiee one (which she later threw up during practice) since she needed to be ‘reminded’ of how delicious they are. ;) Soooo I was waiting for my momma but that nigga kept laggin’ it and shieeeet sooooooo yeeah blah! I then found Xiao on the ramp waiting for me to walk to practice, I had the sammich in my hand cause I didn’t want it to get squished in my duffle baaaag. And then she then ran to me and was like “AWWWW! Is that for me?” And I was like NO. and she was like YEAH IT IS! And I said No! in a serious face and then she got all sad, and i was like just keeding fucker! it’s yours .. and then she tried to hug me! GROSSSS! Then we walked up to the gym, only to find all the gates closed. So I just jumped over it, and Xiao was like you would be good at jumping gates. LOL Then Huff wasn’t even there so we waited for him and then that man started killing us slowly. We were all dying during freaking Tiger drill, but no apparently we still had to keep going cause we weren’t quick enough. Yeah yeah yeah, then after dying and reviving myself we did some offense plays, WHICH NEVER WORK DURING GAMES! But that’s okay.. waste time during practice just running around. So yeah, there was like 6 seniors on one side of the court.. and SOMEHOW by total coincidence I ended up with the sophomores, which I thought was horrible. But we kept scoring on the seniors, heeeeey ;D lame asses. During practice I noticed, I do the weirdest things. I randomly start dancing, or hitting on people, or grabbing people boooobies ;) hahaha! So yeah, after practice was interesting. While walking down to the rec, Socorro made me .. hold her bike while she was riding it? Freaking awkward! Once at the rec to see the Summer Ballin’ group .. well ballin’ during the summer ya know? They play hella interesting games, after that Jennifer wanted a shrimp taco and Katty wanted carne asada fries. So our journey continued, at the shrimp taco place, we saw this HUGE tapatio bottle and Jennifer and Katty were contemplating whether to take it or not. After we got Jennifer’s shrimp taco and while walking to the taco place, Katty was like HERE you go babygurl! and hands Jennifer the tapatio bottle, like THE FUCK? Hella slick gurl! ;D hahaha. Once we got to the place we ate and stuff and just sat there doing nothing. Then Katty started yelling so weirdly and we were like the fuck? and we saw the hugest cockroach EVER! So .. interesting! Then we were like Ahhh let’s leave but apparently Jennifer has to do things on an even number, so we waited for an even time? hahaha Once we walked back to Xiaoiee’s house we decided to go on her porch cause her room was TOO hot! And we were just talking, then we went to eat dinnnah that Mommaaahbear made, which was gooood cause I love that thing she made<3 we then, went outside and she painted my nails and we were just sitting conversating about life while Sistaahbear played Adele in the background. It was very soothing summer music, unlike lame elevator music that makes Xiao want to shoot herself but when in reality you can’t really shoot yourself cause then you don’t want people to think you’re kerrrrrrazy. But then again it’s not like that hoood nigga has a gun, she ain’t that hood! ;) hahaha We pretty much sat there til the sun went down since we were enjoying the breeze, the very so chillay breeze because we loved the way it made our faces feel and how our hair would blow in the wind even though our hair were tied up cause of practice, a very lovely yet fucking horrible practice. While sitting there, we were hella messing with this certain individual and maaaaan Xiaoiee and I are so freaking hilarious when we’re tired! Hella cracking jokes about errrrrthang! Good day Xiaoiee good day!

-jessicadelarosaaaa<3 from tumblr :D

technically this is my last summer of high school because the one before college doesn't really count, so kevin and i are making a to do list for THIS summer! and i shall post it up when we complete it because we are making one togetherrr righttt?

so anyways, i've been thinking about next yearr.. how different if would be since the seniors are not gna be here. i feel like ima be so lonely LOL well there's sandy and a few guys i can hang out with, but besides them i feel lost.. hahah sounds lame. i realized i don't talk to my grade that muchh but enoughhh. hahaha whateverrrrssss. also, i wonder how different i'd be if i went to verdugo o__O seriously, like would i be the same person? probably not, i'd probably be afraid of my own neighborhood like betty. LOL i think lincoln somewhat makes you a tougher person because of all the things that happen and it opens our eyes to the things i would never encounter at verdugo. and btw i do believe that it's easier to get into a better college at verdugo. there's so much competition at lincoln... i feeel like a failureee compared to them. :( lol

sidenote: i know how i hang out with a lot of guys, but every now and then my dad reminds me of how much of a jerk they can be.. i don't think my dad had ANY right to yell at my mom for not doing enough at home. like i don't know maybe it's because she's working two jobs to make up for what you don't do, or maybe it's because she's so tired she can't even make dinner sometimes? or maybe it's because you expect so much out of her.. i don't get why you keep pushing me to get a job and work when my mom's the one telling me to have fun. always ticks me off.



.... i need something to do.

-________-

i don't like this at all. i don't like your relationship with her AT ALL. you have your own choice of friends, of course... but that's my sister. and i don't like her. maybe i'm being selfish about this and i can admit it, but i know that i don't like it... for sure. ><

i'm slowly falling in love with adele's new album.. hahaha

kinda late, but idc!

i don't know how else to say this, but that fire in me burnt out long time agoo and i don't know how to light it back up.

it's funny.. how you're coming to me for money. it just kinda shows me that i can't even depend on you sometimes.

oh yeah i forgot

i'll never forget this year because the people closest to me made it unforgettable! i love you guysssss! :D

jd; bl; cd; sw; sj; bu; dl. <3

i look back at this year and so much has happeneddd... like a lotttttt. i learned so many things too that i'll carry with me throughout my lifee. i'll miss those meaningful lectures from nagaoka because he makes one awesome philosopher. imma miss my first hard non-honors class which is us history. hahah i actually learned a lot from conde and i like how i made new friends outside of my group. i liked my physics class cause i got to spend time with people imma miss :/ i didn't like pe cause huff talks a lot. i love my calculus class even though i may have hated it in the beginning. i don't like mandarin but it taught me to at least try to keep my culture..haha it's hard to bear the class if you didn't really have anyone in class to talk to. and i miss my leadership classs :(

although this basketball season wasn't as fun as i hoped it would be.. i learned to not do something just because you feel like you have to.. but do it because you love it(which adds on to what nagaoka taught me). i also learned to love the tiny things people oversee..i don't know why but i love the little quirks of people :) it's what makes them.. THEM. i learned to do some things without thinking cause those are the funnest and most memorable moments ( mcdonald's drive through) hahah and i love my friends <3 they make me laugh and enjoy life and experience different thingss.


SENIORRR YEAAARR BABBBBYY~

finals are mostly over for me already.. since some of my teachers made us take it the week before finals. so now i just sit in the class for 3 hours and do basicallly nothinggg. it sounds fun right? but it's not when you don't have friends in your classes! :'( whateverrrs, today i went to the senior awards night and i see my sister get so many scholarships and my parents so happy; i wonder if it'll be the same next year.. lmaoo they already know i'm not :/ BUT WHATEVERS. idc...!

anyways, we had our party for calc today.. and it totally beat the stats classs! hahah we watched star trek, which is preeeetty goood! i wanna watch it again :) and then after we ate most of the foood (there was a lot cause of bryan) me and bryan kinda, i think, wrestled! LOL funny shit :D